Thursday, October 3, 2019

The Poll We Need: Angela Motorman runs the numbers


If the de-election were held tomorrow, which would you prefer to see Donald J. Trump being frog-marched across?
(a) the south lawn of the White House
(b) the 9th green at Mar-A-Lago
or
(c) Foley Square

Similarly, in a head-to-head match-up, which of these Attorneys General would get your vote for immediate detention in a cage at the ICE center in El Paso TX?
(a) Jeff Sessions
or
(b) William Barr

Which of these Senators do you feel best deserves a 3 AM no-knock arrest warrant?
(a) Lindsay Graham
or
(b) Mitch McConnell

With regard to despot-in-waiting Mike Pence, which of the following terms do you find to be most applicable?
(a) toady
or
(b) antichrist

Which candidate would best represent the Trump administration in a long-term posting to Rikers Island?
(a) Steven Miller
or
(b) Rudy Giuliani

Of these enablers, who do you believe has the best chance of mounting a successful insanity defense?
(a) Kellyanne Conway
(b) Sarah Huckabee Sanders
(c ) Sean Spicer
or
(d) Sean Hannity

Which cabinet member would get your vote for unemployment immersion therapy in South Philadelphia?
(a) Betsy DeVos
(b) Ben Carson
or
(c) Scott Pruitt

In your view, where should Mike Pompeo and John Bolton live out their remaining days?
(a) Florence Supermax
(b) Maricopa Co. Tent City
or
(c) Guantanamo

Which of these grifters should spend their internment eating bologna sandwiches on stale white bread?
(a) Steven Mnuchin
(b) Wilbur Ross
or
(c) Elaine Chao

In your opinion, what format should judgement be rendered through?
(a) individual trials, sequentially
(b) individual trials, simultaneously
or
(c) one mass trial of all 57 main defendants

From which of these locales should the jury pool be chosen?
(a) Burlington VT
(b) San Francisco CA
(c) Lordstown OH
or
(d) San Juan Puerto Rico

What would you say the primary charge should be for all defendants?
(a) misfeasance
(b) malfeasance
or
(c) treason

In the interest of fair and accurate reporting, which of the following would likely provide the best context and commentary?
(a) Joy Reid
(b) Charlie Pierce
(c) Elie Mystal
(d) Malcolm Nance
or
(e) Sarah Kendzior

In light of the large number of as-yet unindicted co-conspirators (e.g., Warren Zinke, Kevin McCarthy, Paul Ryan, Jared Kushner), which of the following sanctions should be applied repeatedly when their day comes?
(a) pillorying
or
(b) mugging

Which of these uppity females would you like to see as lead prosecutor?
(a) Maxine Waters
(b) Alexandria Ocasio-Coretz
or
(c)  Greta Thunberg

If Brett Kavanaugh is still on the Supreme Court at the time of the trial(s), would a new career as a proctology exam model be a good fit for him?
(a) yes
or
(b) oh hell yes